tonight, despite being ridiculously hot, has been saved by stella and blink 182. so many thoughts in my head. there is a person that makes my heart beat faster. midnight red nailpolish. turn the music up...louder. more stella. no more lights. no  more thoughts. 

oh this change is necessary. what i dream of; covet: open space, large windows higher than ground floor. old floorboards. a mattress set just above the floor, crisp white sheets. music playing constantly. coffee in takeaway cups. walking through the park with scarves and gloves. stockings. freshly squeezed juice in the morning and brushing my teeth in the same mirror as someone else. grey skies, soft hands. tv series marathons. watching movies over and over. autumn leaves. sunsets. gin and tonic sitting on the floor. entwined fingers and silence. writing someone else's truths whilst overlooking the city skyline at night. freedom. please leave me breathless through this...

The sky was the darkest it had ever been; a tempest brewing in the heavens.
'Hold my hand,' Grace screamed, as she peered at the waves crashing louder and louder at the cliff base.
The wind was violent and angry, all the daisys had been ripped from the untender earth and cast upward; a storm of broken flowers.
He ran to her, grabbing her wholey around the waist and swinging her away from the crumbling fort; the kicking of her legs matching his racing pulse.
It seemed the whole earth was shaking beneath them. She wouldn't leave; determined she clung to the rotting, twisted tree that had lain its roots here so many centuries ago. He gave in, he had to; he couldn't say no to anything she wanted. He slumped beside her, hopeless. Their upturned faces and bodies were so saturated that you could no longer tell where one ended and the other began. Perhaps this is what true understanding's like...
5 years had passed since they'd come here. The last time there had been three of them. Now in absence and silence, two were forced to hold on and remember.
How it was possible, I'm unsure, but the storm seemed to leech life from them, expanding its rage further into the skies. The grizzly tree was creaking and cracks were appearing in its once so strong and sure exterior. I guess everyone breaks a little at sometime.
'Don't ever let me fall, unless you're the one catching me.'
This place was intense and full of memories. It seemed they all poured out as it began to hail, tiny recollections that stung like bullets. What was absent was anger and regret. In this world, they couldn't exist.
'Ok, I think we need to leave now, this is crazy!' Grace slid up the crumbling tree, pulling him beside her.
'Promise me that we're ok, we can survive this. Together.'
As they ran through the pillaged meadow, the tree gave up, letting itself be ripped from the ground; just another broken flower in the end. What is left to hold onto when you're alone?
They reached the deserted highway, now slick with black ice and dark like guilt. It was so cold they could no longer feel the hearts pounding; threatening to escape their chests, nor hear the words they knew all too well. They grasped at each other and ran up the highway to the shelter, losing footing along the way, but stopping before the other would crash in a desperate attempt to free themselves from the past.
What they couldn't hear was the persistent horn blasts of the semi-trailer sliding out of control.
Grace caught the lights in the corner of her eye, and in that crazy moment where you truly know what it is you care about most - her life flashing before her eyes -she threw her tiny frame at him, flinging him out of danger, but taking the full force of a million stampeding horses.
The tears streaming down his face not even causing him to blink as he clung to her broken body, the screams of the ambulance louder than ever before as they flew down the black snake like road to the hospital. His breath the only warmth to her face, and now no distance seperating them. He hadn't caught her.
As she flatlined, he swore that he heard a whisper; 'my heart will never stop beating within you'.
In that moment; overwhelmed with grief but somehow aware, his heart beat faster and faster until he could no longer define an single beat. And in that moment, he knew he had to let go.
The ambulance was opened to the sight of two bodies, so entangled, they were buried as one.

I'm intrigued.
where on earth did that come from.
it's like those dreams where you wake up
and swear they actually happened.
who would have thought
anyone could make so much sense.

juliet is the moon in my summer sky,
and the sun in my winter days.
she is the blanket wrapped around
when the nights are cold
she is the one,
the only
who's hand i will hold
who i will dance with like that
there's no need for excuses
or apologies.
she is perfection
and i'm going to keep her forever
in our perfect little world.
excuse me, but this moment
should be frozen in time

spin me through your labyrinth,
i'll face the minotaur,
he doesn't scare me
in fact, he has a secret smile.
no one else saw

i only saw the picture you painted of yourself..
at least that's what you thought.
i dove into the wishing well,
bittered by copper that long since faded.
i drove further into your heart and mind,
though they were unaware of my intrusions.
i saw beneath your golden sheath,
and gasped at your intentions.
for you are one who sparkles bright,
and shines in every light.
the one to please,
not to mention tease,
anyone with eyesight. 
i saw your demons and your guards,
lurking beneath that mask.
acrylic peels and cracks, you know,
and yours, my dear, were beginning to show.
so hold on tight to what's left of your facade,
don't let down the false pretense,
for despite my love,
you no longer fit like a glove.
and hell is not just a metaphor

I.
I don't want to talk.
I just want to breathe.
I don't want to move.
I just want to be.
If you're here beside me,
don't remind me you're there.
If you do, my catatonic state will be broken.
And right now.
In this moment.
I don't want to be anything else.
The basics are what matters.
At the end of the day, they're what sustains us.
Disappear in a cloud of smoke and I'll see you on the other side.
This dusk couldn't be any more beautiful.
Just let me be..

My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound

first shot goes down like fire
you'll pull the thoughts to the front of my mouth
i hear the words of a sad, sad song
rattle around my head

See the strange girl talking to her shadow
She's got a secret to tell

second shot goes down with ease
mix emotion mix the potion brings me to my knees
whatever you want, whatever you need
i'll hold my breath until you tell me to breathe

Cause his eyes are always red, can't sleep at night
Doesn't feel like being positive all the time
Doesn't sit still, doesn't look well
Give him something, make it chemical chemical

Hello, I'm neurotic
Creating problems that don't exist
Don't believe me when I say it's alright

Currently procrastinating from:

grant application assignment,
MDSC essay,
Legal Studies essay,
Biol 1102 Research Poster,
Biol 1112 Critical Poster,
Exam Revision,
Online Tests,
1112 critical essay,
biol prac preparation,
Legal studies workshop prep,
packing up my house,


and probably something else knowing me.